Giggle Pills and Pizza

Usually I don't find myself the type to be susceptible to a nasty case of the "Mondays," as they call them. I'll admit, though, that sometimes I can wind up in one of those moods where you feel like it's possible you could breathe fire and hate puppies. It's one of those days, which is odd because generally after a morning run full of sunshine and eerily higher-than-normal temperatures, my serotonin levels are through the roof, and ain't nobody gonna rain on my parade. Generally these fire-breathing moods come when I'm either a) tired, b) hungry, c) cold, or d) any combination of the above. I'm draggin' ass a little today, so my neurotransmitters aren't doing their best work.

I have a Pinterest board just for moments like these, you know, the ones where you just need to laugh and break that happy seal and then you're good to go. Upon realization that I was being a grade A pisspants, I went and got myself a hot mug of green tea and reluctantly opened my Giggle Pill board, sure that nothing was going to remedy my less-than-stellar disposition. I should also tell you that I have a picky, particular sense of humor, so many things that a lot of people find hysterical hardly prompt me to crack a smile. Earlier, I actually debated this with a coworker of mine, and I still stand by my statement that Superbad is just NOT that funny. We can agree to disagree. Anyway, first pin I get a glance of leaves me in stitches:

Ponies are for pussies.

Everyone good to go? Yesterday I promised I'd tell you about pizza, so let's talk pizza. Yesterday I made a pumpkin apple flatbread with ribboned carrots and asparagus on a flaxseed cornmeal crust.

Someone will have to call reinforcements when winter vegetables are no longer in season and I have no excuse to use pumpkin (or squash or any other hearty winter vegetable) in everything. I know what the general response is when people see a pizza without cheese. I used to be the same way. How on earth could it possibly be good? Trust me. This thing is bangin' with flavor so much that you won't miss the cheese, or the accompanying indigestion. I topped it with vegan sour creme and about died.

Pumpkin Apple Flatbread with Ribboned Carrots and Asparagus

Ingredients

Crust

1/3 cup GF cornbread mix (I used Bob's Red Mill)

1/3 cup flaxseed (brown or golden) 

1/3 cup gluten free oat flour

1 tsp dried basil

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1/2 tsp sea salt

1 flax egg (1 Tbsp ground flaxseed mixed with 3 Tbsp hot water)

1/4 tsp honey

1/3 cup + 1 Tbsp warm water

Pumpkin Sauce

1/2 cup pumpkin puree 

1/4 tsp cinnamon

1/2 Tbsp tamari

1/4 tsp maple extract

1/2 Tbsp nutritional yeast flakes

sea salt, to taste

water, as needed

Vegan Sour Creme
1 package silken tofu
2 Tbsp lemon juice
1 probiotic capsule

1 small granny smith apple, chopped
1/4 cup onion, chopped
2 Tbsp coconut oil, separated
4-5 asparagus stalks
4-5 carrots
nutritional yeast



Directions
Preheat oven to 425 and line baking sheet with parchment paper. In a blender, combine the contents of the probiotic capsule with the package of silken tofu and lemon juice. Blend until thoroughly combined, and set aside in a warm place. To prepare dough, combine all ingredients in a food processor and blend until the mixture has reached the consistency of a thick batter. If necessary, thin with water to reach desired consistency. Spread onto parchment and bake 13-15 minutes, or until browned on the bottom and slightly crisp.

While crust is baking, combine all ingredients for the sauce and set aside. On medium heat, add 1 Tbsp of the coconut oil to a saute pan; add the onions and saute until tender and translucent, 3-5 minutes. Ribbon the asparagus and carrot with a grater. Toss in 1 Tbsp of coconut oil.

When the crust is finished cooking, remove (carefully!) the pan from the oven and assemble pizza. Top with nutritional yeast, as desired. Place pizza back in the oven and bake for an additional 5-6 minutes. Top with sour creme to serve.