Wicked Wednesday

The words are almost jumping out of my mouth and onto the keyboard; the Villain of the Week was an easy decision this week. I was in the middle of an easy run having a little thinky-think yesterday, and almost as soon as the words "Villain of the" were processed, a kid rode by me on his bike on a campus sidewalk. Cue ominous beats: this week's VoW is the crowded sidewalk cyclist.

Summery hipster

A few Sundays ago, Girl Tights and I were putting in some Sunday miles heading north on High Street. A the corner of 5th Ave. and High, a flannel-donned Hipster whizzes around the corner on her perfectly weathered 10-speed quick enough so we were about nose-to-nose before I even knew she was there. And  it wasn't my nose I was worried about. That front tire on her vintage Schwinn was pointed right toward my lady parts.

(As an aside, I realize that it might come off as if I'm making fun of hipsters. Maybe I am, a little bit, but merely for irony since I have been accused of being a liberal hipster and living in a liberal hipster neighborhood on a number of occasions. I'm okay with it. If you want to know more about being and living like a hipster, check out this blog entry over at Verbal Vomit. I laughed. )

I know I don't have all the goods down there that Girl Tights has, but let me tell you something: getting hit in the lady junk hurts like a motherf*#$er. I ran into the corner of a desk in the second grade. Life-changing pain. The experience was so life-changing, in fact, that I'm fairly sure it was the reason why I am hardwired so that upon first awareness of the wheeled Hipster, fight-or-flight instincts overtook my left arm which shot in front of me as fast and as hard as my neuromuscular system could permit. My hand, ninja-ed Bruce Lee-style directly into the middle of Hipster's chest, stopping her so that my hoohah was mere inches away from a black rubber death.

I've had several other incidents with sidewalk bikers, most of them on campus, and most of them on crowded sidewalks. I've never been able to figure this one out: why must we ride our bikes on such sidewalks, making it impossible to move two-wheeled vehicles any faster than a walk's pace anyway? I'm also that subscribes to the notion that if you're walking on the sidewalk, the same rules apply to you that apply to cars on the road. We walk on the right and pass on the left. And we certainly don't walk in the left lane when there is oncoming traffic. All these rules go to shit with pedestrians, and even more so when you throw a bike or two in there. It's not a good sign that my first instinct is to shoot my left elbow out anytime a sidewalk Contador goes flying by me. There have also been numerous times when I've seriously contemplated the Big Daddy stick-though-the-spokes trick. Let's get it together: bikes and all other "cars" belong IN! THE! STREET!

Whew. I feel better now. Okay, onto superfood: ginger. It's an ugly little root, but this knobby herb is a powerful anti-inflammatory which is something everyone can get pumped about. Me and my porcelain digestive system love it because it combats nausea and indigestion in about every sense of the word, including acid indigestion and gas. When I feel like someone's blown a balloon up in my gut, I juice some lemon and ginger root and throw it on some ice with some water and it does WURK. It is also suggested that this guy helps relieve motion sickness and promotes general digestion. Recent studies have shown that ginger root directly affects the muscle tissue in the digestive tract, preventing abnormally strong and fast abdominal cramping. Hello, ladies: have some ginger tea during your "special time" and see what it does for you. Aside from digestive inflammation, ginger has been shown to relieve symptoms of rheumatoid and osteoarthritis, and new developments in the study of diabetes in animals shows that ginger may help to lower blood sugar and cholesterol levels. Even studies of ginger root and the suppression of cancer cells are of recent interest, though these studies are very preliminary. Basically, the moral of the story is that this root is a baller.

How do I eat it? Frankly, I dump ground ginger into anything that makes sense. Juices, smoothies, stir-fry, oatmeal, and baked goods, but Snickerdoodle Alo Bites are a simple, easy favorite. (Also pictured are the blueberry pie variation.)

 
Snickerdoodle Alo Bites

Ingredients:
1/2 cup medjool dates
2/3 cup raw, unsalted cashews
1/2 cup unsweetened coconut
2 tbsp chia seeds (or ground flax)
1 tsp extra virgin coconut oil
1/4 tsp sea salt
1 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp vanilla extract

Pit the pits from the dates and add them, along with the coconut, and coconut oil to food processor and process until dates and coconut are finely chopped. Be sure not to process too long; your mixture will turn to paste and wind up in one big ball of dough spinning along the inside of the processor bowl. The mixture should have a "meal-ly" consistency. Transfer the date-coconut meal to a bowl, add vanilla, and set aside. Process the cashews and chia seeds to the consistency of a fine meal. Again, avoid over-processing, as the cashews will turn to butter. Add the salt, ginger, and cinnamon to the cashew-chia meal and pulse a few times to combine.  Knead the cashew-chia meal into the date-coconut meal with ever-so-slightly dampened hands (this will prevent the mixture from sticking to your hands.) Add in chocolate (or white chocolate!) chips if desired. Roll into balls and store in the fridge.

Why does "fridge" have a "d" but "refrigerator" doesn't? Oh, and what's up with the goofy name? I'm currently slacking on some statistics, so we'll have to leave that for later.

Priorities, perspective.

Sundays are habitually a day of reflection for me, a hybrid of the diminuendo of the preceding week and the crescendo into Monday and the warp speed of the week. I do a lot of talking to myself on Sundays. Literally, I will have a conversation with myself. Out loud. I'm not sure what it is about the thinking process that is enhanced for me with just spoken word, but no matter the context, problem solving happens for me most efficiently if I explicitly say out loud what it is that I have, where I want to get, and then stumble along various paths until I find the right one.


I've decided that life is just one big balancing act-or perhaps more like a continuous series of balancing acts one after the other separated by little blips that might shuffle the positions of priorities on their totem pole of utility. There are two tricks, then, that we need to be able to identify: the first is actually deciding what our priorities are and which ones are most important. The second is then teeter-tottering appropriately given the leaders on the priorities totem pole. The second is tough, but nearly impossible if you can't explicitly identify what is truly important to you. The more I ponder this, the more I realize that many people are trying to do just that: run the balancing act without the proper weights installed on either end.


We, as people, are so aware of so many things, including the other people around us and those that are far away from us no matter what distance metric you use. We're aware enough of the moon and its properties, which is over 238,000 miles away, that serious consideration of colonizing it has been tossed around. Why, then, is awareness of ourselves so elusive? So elusive, in fact, that the lack of self awareness is not even a second thought to the majority of us? It requires an extra muscle, an extra oomph to shove us into a perspective that lets us see what we're doing in a way that makes us ask why we do what we do and how what we do effects everyone else around us. It requires work, and that I think is the answer to the previous question-why so many of us don't do it.


I've never been an unhealthy eater. I've always been into the idea of taking care of myself above the average maintenance standards that most would agree are "normal." However, it wasn't until becoming a mostly-vegan and a 90-100 mile/week girl that I became immensely aware of my eating habits and how I made food decisions on a day-to-day basis. I am certainly not perfect, nor do I expect to be, but each day I feel like I get better and better at being completely aware of what I'm putting into my body and why. Most people would say that running 100 miles in a week is grounds for being a garbage disposal-any and every food is fair game. The reality is precisely the opposite: my body undergoes far more stress than the typical person, making it even more important  that I flood this thing with as much nutritional value as I can given the amount of food I can comfortably take in on a daily basis. 


Running is a funny thing. Some days, running dropkicks my appetite into full gear, but if the exercise bout is intense enough, it really does a lovely job of pissing on all my desires to ingest solid food. The idea of choking down a bowl of oats with nut butter and fruit is enough to make me dry heave immediately (or even an hour after) some of the mid-September 20 mile marathon work days. It's then that you have to plan: I can (have to) stomach liquid. What can I get in that can be liquid form? Later in the day, I have to ask what did I not get in earlier that I need to have now?  I stumbled on this article on http://www.seriouseats.com. A meat-eating manly man takes a "30-day vegan challenge" and kept a daily journal about his experience. It was clear from his writing that he very much intended to go back to his burger-and-wing lifestyle after the challenge and that the challenge wasn't going to do any magical transformation and veggie enlightenment. However, I found great pleasure in reading this statement he makes on day 6 of the challenge:

"Veganism has forced me to be constantly aware of what goes into my mouth and this has consequently resulted in a big decrease in calories that I consume and an increase in the regularity of my meals."

I don't believe veganism is for everyone. If you're cool with eating hormone-free chicken, then by all means, nomnom on some of that.  I'm completely cool with eating some forms of seafood. But I will say that it unquestionably benefits everyone to be aware of what you're eating, when you're eating it and why. The relationships that people develop with food are extremely interesting to me. From a biological point of view, food is simply the fuel we put into our bodies to live. Ben Franklin was the one who said "eat to live, not live to eat."  Most people don't have an emotional attachment to the unleaded that they throw in their car. I also don't think that one should sacrifice flavor, taste, and the occasional indulgence for optimal nutrition. It all goes back to balance and moderation-that annoying teeter-totter. 


I don't have time to cook is something I hear all the time, and I'm here to tell you that you don't have to spend tons of time on a meal for it to rock your tastebuds and be good for you. I'm constantly eating on the move; I'm a grazer and eat fairly constantly all day long rather than eating separate, designated meals. Cue breakfast on the go:




 Red Velvet Cake Smoothie, v2.0


Ingredients


1 cup unsweetened almond milk
1 swiss chard leaf (or your favorite green)
1/4 cup roasted beet puree
1/4 summer squash
1 scoop chocolate protein powder
2 tbsp cocoa powder
1 tbsp ground flaxseed
1 tsp coffee grounds
3 oz. silken tofu (I just used 1/5 of the package)
pinch of sea salt
tsp vanilla extract


Combine all ingredients in a high speed blender until smooth.






One of my favorite snacks doesn't require a recipe, but it's genius:

PB&J Boats


Ingredients


1 medjool date
1 tbsp peanut butter


Cut the medjool date like a hotdog bun; remove the pit. Stuff with peanut butter. Inhale. Repeat.









I like to eat a reasonable combo of carbs and protein post-workouts. No, I do not bring my food scale and make sure I'm eating a ratio of 4:3. If I'm in a reasonable neighborhood of that ratio, I'll chalk it up as a win. These dudes taste so good, I feel kinda like a rebel eating them right after I've stepped off the track:

White Chocolate Pistachio Protein Bars
Inspired by Chocolawtay


Ingredients


For the shortbread layer:
1 cup GF oat flour
1 1/2 scoops vanilla protein powder*
1 tbsp coconut oil
1 1/4 cup brown rice syrup
1/8 tsp sea salt
3/4 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp almond extract (or just more vanilla)
2 tbsp stevia powder





For the pistachio layer:
1 cup pistachio butter* (no salt, no sugar added)
1/4 cup + 1 tbsp honey
2 medjool dates
3 scoops vanilla protein powder*
pinch sea salt


For the white chocolate layer:
2 tbsp almond butter
4 oz. white chocolate
tsp honey


1 scoop = 30g


Line a 9x9 inch pan with parchment or wax paper.


For the shortbread: combine all ingredients in a blender or food processor. The consistency will become that of stiff dough. Press the dough into pan and place in freezer to set while you prepare the second layer.


For the pistachio butter layer: to prepare the pistachio butter, place 1 cup of roasted pistachios in food processor and process until butter has formed. Since the oil content of pistachios is lower than that of most nuts, this may take a while and you may have to stop the processor and scrape down the sides of the bowl a few times. If necessary, add 1 tbsp of coconut oil to help develop butter. Once the pistachio butter is prepared, add the remaining ingredients to the food processor and combine. This dough will be looser than the shortbread layer. Press the dough onto the shortbread and place in freezer to set.


For the white chocolate layer: place all the ingredients in a microwave-safe bowl and microwave in 10-second increments until the chocolate is melted and ingredients are combined. Spread onto the chilled bars. Work quickly, as the chocolate sets fast on the cold surface. Refrigerate until the chocolate has just barely hardened and remove and slice the bars. Store in refrigerator and remove ten minutes before noshing to soften. 

Thank you, Eyjafjallajökull for half-naked January running.

I ran in a rolled-up long sleeve T and shorts this morning. I donned a cutoff and shorts for my double in the afternoon. It was almost 60 degrees. It's January. I'm doing my PhD in Statistics at Ohio State, and I took a course in spatial statistics in Spring 2010. The professor of the class, Noel Cressie, is basically the pioneer of his field and is world-reknowned in the stats universe. He's....a strong personality. I tend to be attracted to such people, but they are just as easily hated as they are loved. I can see both sides.


 He likes to talk, and when  Eyjafjallajökull erupted and spread volcanic ash all over the  hemisphere, he boldly made the prediction that, not the following winter, but the winter after that would be particularly mild. The man works extensively in climate modeling, but I duly noted this prediction in my mind and made a point not to forget to either validate or disprove his prediction. Well, here we are: Winter of 2012. Looks like ol' Cressie was right. I can't hate; running half-naked is much preferred to multi-layered running.

I know, I know. I shared a donut with you on Sunday night and then told you that the recipe would follow on Monday. Then I consumed one of these donuts the day after they were made. Sucktown, USA. They don't keep well, and I wasn't thrilled with the texture of the flour combination either. I will adapt them and share with you a recipe that will keep your socks holding on with a white-knuckle grip. You'll have to wait for donuts, but to tide you over, I'm going to share with you my first attempt at a homemade veggie burger. It did not disappoint, to say the least.
Again, for the beginner veggie eaters who might be reading this: a veggie burger is not meant to replace your quarter pounder with cheese. Burger does not necessarily mean beef, as milk does not necessarily mean dairy. The stupid food pyramid makes me want to cuss like a sailor. (Deep breath.) It's hard to believe I waited this long to try to make one myself, but between Luna burgers and Northstar Cafe, I'm so close to some of the best veg patties that the thought of doing the dirty work myself was never, well...my first thought. 
I was inspired by Angela's veggie burger criteria in this post. Soggy veggie burgers suck, but anything falling apart between plate and mouth is even worse. I'm not a tofu hater in the least, but I already eat enough of it, and over-consumption of soy is something of which I may be a teeny weary. And who doesn't like mouthfeel and flavor?

Naked black bean burger

There she is, sunbathing on a swiss chard towel. Brothas Burgers be lined up at her locker. (Can you name the movie?) Crispy on the outside, but she still held her shape even after the first bite. Hal and Al's is one of my absolute favorite places in Columbus; it's a bar with an entire menu of vegan pub food-and a massive beer list to boot. I ate the veggie burger like a gluten free-friendly version of their burrito. I threw some spaghetti squash on there with some paprika and some vegan sour creme cheez sauce. 

Black bean burger all dressed up for church

The chard did a wicked good job of standing in for a tortilla; it was sturdy enough that it didn't tear and was much more pliable than a corn tortilla. It's earthy flavor complimented the burger really well. 

Don't mind the onion nib that made its way into that bottom left corner.


Black Bean Veggie Burgers 
Inspired by Oh She Glows
Ingredients


1/4 cup green onion, diced (only the white part)
1 tsp minced garlic
2 tbsp pumpkin puree
1 Flax egg: 2 tbsp ground flax + 3 tbsp warm water, mixed in bowl
1/4 cup GF oat flour
3/4 cooked brown rice
1/2 cup grated parsnips
1/2 cup cooked black beans, rinsed and roughly pureed or mashed
Heaping 1/4 cup finely chopped cilantro
1/3 cup flaxseeds
1 tbsp. coconut oil
1/2 tbsp Tamari (soy sauce)
3/4 tsp chili powder
1/2 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. dried basil
sea salt and black pepper, to taste
1/4 cup vegan sour creme (recipe here)
2 tbsp nutritional yeast
1/2 tsp white miso
1/4 tsp cumin
1/8 tsp paprika


yields 4 burgers


Mix your flax egg together in a small bowl and set aside for at least 10 minutes. In a large skillet, sauté onions and garlic in 1/2 tbsp coconut oil until the onions are slightly tender and opaque (about 2-3 minutes). Mix all ingredients in a bowl until combined. Alternatively, you could put all the ingredients in a food processor and pulse until combined. Be careful not to over-process. Stir in the garlic and onions. Lightly coat hands in a bit of water so that it prevents the dough from sticking and shape the burgers tightly into patties. 


Heat the remaining 1/2 tbsp of coconut oil in a skillet on medium heat. Cook the patties 3-4 minutes on each side, or until heated through and crisp. For the cheez sauce, mix the sour creme, nutritional yeast, miso, cumin, and paprika. Add black pepper to taste.  To serve, fill chard leaf with burger; top with roasted spaghetti squash and cheez.

Giggle Pills and Pizza

Usually I don't find myself the type to be susceptible to a nasty case of the "Mondays," as they call them. I'll admit, though, that sometimes I can wind up in one of those moods where you feel like it's possible you could breathe fire and hate puppies. It's one of those days, which is odd because generally after a morning run full of sunshine and eerily higher-than-normal temperatures, my serotonin levels are through the roof, and ain't nobody gonna rain on my parade. Generally these fire-breathing moods come when I'm either a) tired, b) hungry, c) cold, or d) any combination of the above. I'm draggin' ass a little today, so my neurotransmitters aren't doing their best work.

I have a Pinterest board just for moments like these, you know, the ones where you just need to laugh and break that happy seal and then you're good to go. Upon realization that I was being a grade A pisspants, I went and got myself a hot mug of green tea and reluctantly opened my Giggle Pill board, sure that nothing was going to remedy my less-than-stellar disposition. I should also tell you that I have a picky, particular sense of humor, so many things that a lot of people find hysterical hardly prompt me to crack a smile. Earlier, I actually debated this with a coworker of mine, and I still stand by my statement that Superbad is just NOT that funny. We can agree to disagree. Anyway, first pin I get a glance of leaves me in stitches:

Ponies are for pussies.

Everyone good to go? Yesterday I promised I'd tell you about pizza, so let's talk pizza. Yesterday I made a pumpkin apple flatbread with ribboned carrots and asparagus on a flaxseed cornmeal crust.

Someone will have to call reinforcements when winter vegetables are no longer in season and I have no excuse to use pumpkin (or squash or any other hearty winter vegetable) in everything. I know what the general response is when people see a pizza without cheese. I used to be the same way. How on earth could it possibly be good? Trust me. This thing is bangin' with flavor so much that you won't miss the cheese, or the accompanying indigestion. I topped it with vegan sour creme and about died.

Pumpkin Apple Flatbread with Ribboned Carrots and Asparagus

Ingredients

Crust

1/3 cup GF cornbread mix (I used Bob's Red Mill)

1/3 cup flaxseed (brown or golden) 

1/3 cup gluten free oat flour

1 tsp dried basil

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1/2 tsp sea salt

1 flax egg (1 Tbsp ground flaxseed mixed with 3 Tbsp hot water)

1/4 tsp honey

1/3 cup + 1 Tbsp warm water

Pumpkin Sauce

1/2 cup pumpkin puree 

1/4 tsp cinnamon

1/2 Tbsp tamari

1/4 tsp maple extract

1/2 Tbsp nutritional yeast flakes

sea salt, to taste

water, as needed

Vegan Sour Creme
1 package silken tofu
2 Tbsp lemon juice
1 probiotic capsule

1 small granny smith apple, chopped
1/4 cup onion, chopped
2 Tbsp coconut oil, separated
4-5 asparagus stalks
4-5 carrots
nutritional yeast



Directions
Preheat oven to 425 and line baking sheet with parchment paper. In a blender, combine the contents of the probiotic capsule with the package of silken tofu and lemon juice. Blend until thoroughly combined, and set aside in a warm place. To prepare dough, combine all ingredients in a food processor and blend until the mixture has reached the consistency of a thick batter. If necessary, thin with water to reach desired consistency. Spread onto parchment and bake 13-15 minutes, or until browned on the bottom and slightly crisp.

While crust is baking, combine all ingredients for the sauce and set aside. On medium heat, add 1 Tbsp of the coconut oil to a saute pan; add the onions and saute until tender and translucent, 3-5 minutes. Ribbon the asparagus and carrot with a grater. Toss in 1 Tbsp of coconut oil.

When the crust is finished cooking, remove (carefully!) the pan from the oven and assemble pizza. Top with nutritional yeast, as desired. Place pizza back in the oven and bake for an additional 5-6 minutes. Top with sour creme to serve.

Red Velvet for Iceman, Chococado for me.

First post. I must say, I was a little overwhelmed. First impressions are very important, and I've thought extensively about how to make this post just perfect. It has to pull the readers in and give a sense of who you really are, what you stand for and why. You need to be funny. But not lame funny. Or too funny! But don't be too methodical and logical. Don't be dull. Don't curse too much! Make sure you appear informed and knowledgable...dear lord.

I just finished up a cleanse. I will do these periodically (I will shoot for 4 times annually) just for digestive "maintenance" if you will. Yeah, I hear what you're saying. Aside from a small handful of people, I'm sure you're thinking something along the lines of hippie or weirdo or...well, probably a whole slew of  things far worse than that. I'll go ahead and be up front: I have the mouth of a sailor, and I don't really give a sh!* what you think. I know that I've spent an extensive amount of time thinking about my body, why it behaves in ways that I don't like, and what I can do to fix it.

I don't know anyone else that's spent as much time pondering the subject, and I know that I've figured a lot of things out and am doing a lot of things that works for me. I'm not a medical doctor; I'm a statistician. I have done a ridiculous amount of reading from various sources, and I know how to problem solve, but I've never taken a single nutrition class. A bit about me: I'm horribly curious. I ask tons of questions. I get almost as many answers. Repeated empirical evidence, though not proof, is pretty much enough to convince me that these "cleanses" (which might be mistaken for torture by some) work. In fact, this week is the most normal my digestive system has felt in a long long time. To top it off, I had settled on a full 72-hour cleanse, and since I have been feeling so good, I have just finished day 5 following the rules save the two half cups of cold-brewed coffee split between yesterday and today, a handful of strawberries, and a cashew cookie Larabar.

And truthfully, I don't feel too deprived. I do miss texture; all my meals have either been juiced or pureed. And everything has been raw, and while I'm down with raw food, sometimes I just wanna roast those veggies. I thought I'd share a "recipe" with you that makes me believe that I could keep up this cleanse (almost) indefinitely. I had dessert tonight. Yeah. For real. Skinny vegan girl eats dessert. Believe it. Every night. Tonight: behold the chococado frosty with sea salt.

Like a Wendy's frosty in a bowl. And the sea salt. I know, you're doubting me. But stop it. I know what I'm doing. Just try it. You'll never eat chocolate without it again. It makes sense. Salty sweet. People dip their fries into their frosties. This is why.

Rich, creamy, almost zero sugar, full of healthy omega-3's, protein, and fiber. And tastes GOOD. Listen, I don't eat s*@! that tastes bad. This is good. My buddy Iceman is cleasing right now and tryin' to quit the horrible white beast we all know as sugar. Don't get me started on sugar. It'll kill you. I'm meeting him in the morning at Highbanks for some easy miles, and I'm bringing him a red velvet cake smoothie. Yeah, liquid cake that adheres to a very restrictive cleanse. Magic. Vegan magic.

Both were good enough to have me tilting the blender pitcher high above my head to suck down the last drop.

Chococado Frosty with sea salt


1 avocado
1/6 package silken tofu (I used organic)
1 - 1 1/4 cup unsweetened almond milk
juice of 1/2 lemon
1/2 scoop vanilla protein powder
tsp vanilla extract
2 tbsp cocoa powder
Stevia to taste
sea salt

Blend all ingredients until smooth and pour into a shallow container; freeze overnight. After frozen, thaw container so that you're able to break up the mixture and add to food processor or blender. Add almond milk as needed to thin to desired consistency. Top with course sea salt. Eat, lick bowl, be happy.

Red Velvet Smoothie

1/2 avocado

1/4 package silken tofu (I used organic)

1 - 1 1/4 cup unsweetened almond milk

1 scoop vanilla protein powder

tsp butter extract (don't worry, it's vegan!)

2 heaping tbsp cocoa powder

2-3 tbsp beet juice

Stevia to taste

pinch of sea salt

Blend all ingredients until smooth. Inhale.