Cooking for kitchen idiots: How I came to cook.

If you would've met me a year ago and asked me how much time I spent in the kitchen, my response would've been drastically different from my response now. I never cooked, not because I was intimidated because I didn't know "how," but because I hadn't made what I was eating a bigger priority. And since I did so very little of it, I hadn't realized how enjoyable it could be.

I always laugh to myself a little bit when people tell me they don't know how to cook. I think people minds get clogged with the stereotypical stories of women learning how to cook from their mothers, family recipes being passed down from generation to generation, etc, etc. It's a lovely attempt at an excuse to not cook: "I don't know how." Okay, I'm calling bullshit. No one gave me cooking lessons. Nope. Not my mother, grandmother, nobody. I learned by trial and error. It's a highly underrated learning technique. I can count on one hand the number of times I've made something that I wouldn't serve to someone else. And no, I wouldn't serve up some garbage just to be an asshole.

I had no idea what the hell I was doing in the kitchen. Still, I'm not sure I'd say that I "know" how to cook. But listen to this: what if I told you there are these cliff note-type of cheat sheets made exactly for people who have no f$&!ing clue what they're doing in the kitchen? Yes! They exist! They're called "recipes!" I know you can follow step-by-step instructions. Does your tongue work? Brilliant. If it tastes okay, then you haven't done anything wrong. Taste after every step. If it tastes wrong at any point, then last-executed step was muddled up.


Soups in particular are so difficult to screw up. The chances of winding up with something burnt are quite slim, and if you have a crock pot or rice cooker, they require almost no attention. Don't like a particular ingredient a recipe calls for? Leave it out! Throw in something you do. No one said you don't get to eat if you don't adhere exactly to the recipe. Yesterday I threw some stuff that works fairly well together in a pan. Here's how I did it.

1 15 oz can pumpkin puree
4-5 cups water
1/2 cup dry quinoa
1 small onion finely chopped
3 cloves garlic finely minced
1 tbsp ginger root, peeled and finely minced
1 cup frozen green peas
1 pint cherry tomatoes
2 tbsp white miso
2 tbsp chili powder
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp cayenne
1 tbsp curry powder
1 tsp tumeric
1 tsp cumin
1 tbsp coconut oil
sea salt, to taste

Soak the quinoa in water and set aside (to help cut the potential bitter taste.) Place the pint of tomatoes in the food processor and process just until the tomatoes are all chopped uniformly. In a large pot, heat the coconut oil over medium heat. Add the onion, garlic, and ginger and saute 2-3 minutes or until the garlic is fragrant and the onions are soft and translucent. Add the tomatoes and saute for an additional 2 minutes. Add the pumpkin and water and stir to combine.

 Increase the heat to high and bring to a boil. Drain the quinoa, and add it and all of the spices except the miso to the pot. Boil 2-3 minutes and decrease the heat to a simmer.

Add the peas, and reduce heat to low and simmer for an additional 10 minutes. Stir in miso. If the soup is not as thick as you would like, continue to simmer until soup has reduced to desired consistency, stirring occasionally. Add sea salt as desired.

Again, the measurements for the spices are merely suggestions. I have a heavy hand for any indian spices, so I'd probably dump more in. Again, taste as you add. Just don't burn your mouth.