I've long had a fantasy of getting in a movie reel-worthy bar brawl. And no, nothing like what would happen if you cut in line for the ladies room at Brothers or any other turd-magnet establishment. I'm talking some Ed Hardy gelled-up meathead is disrespecting his small, pretty, quiet date and somebody's gotta do somethin' bout it. With their fist. I want that to be me.
Not the ideal story to set up for a superhero alter ego, I get it. It puts one at risk for sounding something like Whitetrash Woman rather than Wonder Woman. Or a Housewife of New Jersey. Regardless, each week on Wicked Wednesday, I'll take some time to highlight the Villain of the Week: those who need the ass-kicking that can only be dealt by a badass do-gooder.
This week: driver turning right at stop signs who rolls right on through, only looking left and not right.
I'll tell you why I hate this guy: because just as he's pulling right, I'm trying to run by, and he never sees me coming. I'm usually running at the butt crack of dawn, so I'm dragging-ass-tired, or I'm recovering from some insano workout prescribed by Coach, so I'm dragging-ass-tired. Then, I must break the rhythm that I had likely worked so hard to establish, and then find myself in the world of lead legs again. This usually results in me screaming something like "are you REALLY NOT LOOKING AT ME?!?!" in a gradual crescendo so that he might perhaps hear the last couple words and poop his/her pants in fright. Sometimes, fear is not evoked because they're not only driving but also entertaining multiple other stimuli at the same time, so I end up getting something more like this:
Or alternatively, if I'm particularly razzed (because I'm extra tired, or hungry, or both), I'll smack the side of their vehicle as hard as I can and hope that he/she fears they've run over something. There are certain neighborhoods where I do not utilize this form of notification of their crap driving.
Okay, now that the villain has been established, we need to talk superhero. Superheroes, much like runners, need a finely-tuned engine. You want a performance vehicle? You bet your ass your Maserati isn't running on unleaded. Bodies work the same way. You wanna ask a lot of it? You gotta put good gas in it. Cue lights: superfood. Superfood is a trendy term that's been popular among foodies and fitness freaks alike for foods that are....well, better than average, at the very least. These are foods that have a big nutritional bang. Part of me wants to know the exact standards or cutoffs a food has to meet before going from a normal healthy choice to a superfood.
Superfood of the week: rainbow swiss chard. Think of this guy as the funfetti icing of the leafy greens section. I'll admit it; until last week, I was a swiss chard virgin. Then I made this soup, and I was sold. It has a sturdy, hearty flavor that I found surprisingly tasty. And forget the gatorade; chard (and veggies in general) are loaded with electrolytes including potassium. A half cup serving of chard has almost as much as a banana. As with other leafy greens, it packs a powerful vitamin C, K, and E punch, and of course that fiber to keep ya regular. I knew you were worried. Runners (especially non-meat eaters) will like it's iron content.
Don't particularly love leafy greens? Don't worry. I'll admit, the leafy ones are my least favorite of the vegetables. We can work our way around that: the green monsta.
Chard Green Monsta
Ingredients
One whole swiss chard leaf, stem included
1/2 cup blueberries
1/4 cup summer squash, chopped
1 scoop vanilla protein powder
1/2 - 1 cup almond milk
ice, as needed
stevia, to taste
1/4 tsp sea salt
1 Tbsp ground flaxseed
Combine all ingredients in a high-speed blender until smooth. (I let mine go for nearly 5 minutes. No way was I chomping on pieces of chard in my vanilla milkshake.)
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