Red Velvet for Iceman, Chococado for me.

First post. I must say, I was a little overwhelmed. First impressions are very important, and I've thought extensively about how to make this post just perfect. It has to pull the readers in and give a sense of who you really are, what you stand for and why. You need to be funny. But not lame funny. Or too funny! But don't be too methodical and logical. Don't be dull. Don't curse too much! Make sure you appear informed and knowledgable...dear lord.

I just finished up a cleanse. I will do these periodically (I will shoot for 4 times annually) just for digestive "maintenance" if you will. Yeah, I hear what you're saying. Aside from a small handful of people, I'm sure you're thinking something along the lines of hippie or weirdo or...well, probably a whole slew of  things far worse than that. I'll go ahead and be up front: I have the mouth of a sailor, and I don't really give a sh!* what you think. I know that I've spent an extensive amount of time thinking about my body, why it behaves in ways that I don't like, and what I can do to fix it.

I don't know anyone else that's spent as much time pondering the subject, and I know that I've figured a lot of things out and am doing a lot of things that works for me. I'm not a medical doctor; I'm a statistician. I have done a ridiculous amount of reading from various sources, and I know how to problem solve, but I've never taken a single nutrition class. A bit about me: I'm horribly curious. I ask tons of questions. I get almost as many answers. Repeated empirical evidence, though not proof, is pretty much enough to convince me that these "cleanses" (which might be mistaken for torture by some) work. In fact, this week is the most normal my digestive system has felt in a long long time. To top it off, I had settled on a full 72-hour cleanse, and since I have been feeling so good, I have just finished day 5 following the rules save the two half cups of cold-brewed coffee split between yesterday and today, a handful of strawberries, and a cashew cookie Larabar.

And truthfully, I don't feel too deprived. I do miss texture; all my meals have either been juiced or pureed. And everything has been raw, and while I'm down with raw food, sometimes I just wanna roast those veggies. I thought I'd share a "recipe" with you that makes me believe that I could keep up this cleanse (almost) indefinitely. I had dessert tonight. Yeah. For real. Skinny vegan girl eats dessert. Believe it. Every night. Tonight: behold the chococado frosty with sea salt.

Like a Wendy's frosty in a bowl. And the sea salt. I know, you're doubting me. But stop it. I know what I'm doing. Just try it. You'll never eat chocolate without it again. It makes sense. Salty sweet. People dip their fries into their frosties. This is why.

Rich, creamy, almost zero sugar, full of healthy omega-3's, protein, and fiber. And tastes GOOD. Listen, I don't eat s*@! that tastes bad. This is good. My buddy Iceman is cleasing right now and tryin' to quit the horrible white beast we all know as sugar. Don't get me started on sugar. It'll kill you. I'm meeting him in the morning at Highbanks for some easy miles, and I'm bringing him a red velvet cake smoothie. Yeah, liquid cake that adheres to a very restrictive cleanse. Magic. Vegan magic.

Both were good enough to have me tilting the blender pitcher high above my head to suck down the last drop.

Chococado Frosty with sea salt


1 avocado
1/6 package silken tofu (I used organic)
1 - 1 1/4 cup unsweetened almond milk
juice of 1/2 lemon
1/2 scoop vanilla protein powder
tsp vanilla extract
2 tbsp cocoa powder
Stevia to taste
sea salt

Blend all ingredients until smooth and pour into a shallow container; freeze overnight. After frozen, thaw container so that you're able to break up the mixture and add to food processor or blender. Add almond milk as needed to thin to desired consistency. Top with course sea salt. Eat, lick bowl, be happy.

Red Velvet Smoothie

1/2 avocado

1/4 package silken tofu (I used organic)

1 - 1 1/4 cup unsweetened almond milk

1 scoop vanilla protein powder

tsp butter extract (don't worry, it's vegan!)

2 heaping tbsp cocoa powder

2-3 tbsp beet juice

Stevia to taste

pinch of sea salt

Blend all ingredients until smooth. Inhale.